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May my working with all of this, with as much self-compassion and self-love as I’m able to call on in each moment, support all women to turn to themselves with more compassionate self-awareness in their hardest times and find…

Do you ever feel like you are going through life merely surviving rather than truly thriving? I spent years feeling like this and some days, even some weeks I can still feel like this.

When I read this quote, it reminded me of when I first heard of Bronnie Wares book, Top 5 regrets of the dying. Her research found they were…

I LOVE this expression of the revolution from within.

Yes. Times Up. Times up for the crumbling Patriarchy. And, Times Up for Us. It’s time for us to find the courage to say ‘This is who I am’. In our full gloriousness and our human messiness.

It’s interesting, I came across this fabulous quote by Oprah a couple of months ago and decided not to write to it at the time. If I am really honest with myself, and you, I didn’t write to it because I still fear this.

How does it feel to imagine yourself as this woman? Perhaps feelings of calm, joy, empowerment and connection arise. Perhaps feelings of futility, loss, sadness and confusion…

We’ve been deeply touched by your more than 200 responses to our question: ‘What does it mean to be an authentic woman?’

The word ‘true’ feels important to me as a I read this quote. And I believe it could be replaced with the word ‘Authentic’…

Are you living true to your dreams? Are you clear what they are? These were the questions that arose within me as I read this quote.

This quote reminded me of the poem by Marianne Williams which often inspires me to face my fears and step out of my unworthiness…

It’s an incredible gift to share my life with this circle of women and a number of others. To practice truly being myself. To practice authenticity in all its messy, scary, vulnerable imperfections.

I’ve recently begun to feel as though I am at a crossroads in my life and, as a result, have been feeling very uncomfortable. There isn’t one particular aspect of my life that I can put my finger on that wants changing and yet…

Do you ever have those days, those week, those times in your life when you feel like there is so much going on, that you are not sure you can handle just one more thing happening? I notice that when this happens for me I tend to focus on the future.

In some ways I think fiercely caring for myself is about becoming a compassionate mess – we can all do this, we can’t get rid of the messy parts entirely but we can all become a compassionate mess and…

When I look back over the last 47 years of my life I have spent SO much time and energy trying to gain other people’s approval AND most…

I have noticed my reticence to share my own story, my own feelings, to claim my truth and ultimately when I got really curious about that I realised it was still about shame and fear.

Authentic Woman stands together and deeply respects the brave women who are speaking out to change the culture that colludes with this behaviour and questions the actions of the victims, rather than those of our attackers.

Now this I find challenging! Not as much as I used to. Not all the time now (and it used to be challenging all the time!), but it does feel like the ultimate practice, the ultimate mastery of my emotions and thoughts.

Let me give you an example, this past Sunday morning, my partner seemed irritated and sulky, and I figured he was punishing me because I had wanted to stay in the night before and he…

It’s taken me a long time to realise the magnitude and impact of the enemy within me. To appreciate just how profound this proverb is. If I rewrote it in my own words I would say ‘when there is no inner critic or self-judgments within me, nobody else can really hurt me’.

Self-kindness asks us to turn towards our pain which simply isn’t how the reptilian part of our brain is wired, it’s wired to…

Slow down. Slow down. Slow down. Happiness is trying to catch us. Slow down. Slow down. Slow down. Stop. Breathe.

This is a profound quote for me. I remember the relief I felt when I first read that my desire to belong was ‘normal’, human, that it is an innate primal desire that we all have.

Not surprisingly I began to feel more whole AND more confident. 

It’s so interesting, the process I sometimes go through when writing these Authentic Woman posts. I have been looking at this quote for days, wrestling with it, resisting writing to it. That little voice in my head saying…

I can feel a subtle holding back, something sitting in a shadowy corner refusing to show up and participate fully in joy, connection and meaning.

For many in the group the idea of self-compassion was remote, self-indulgent or even self-pitying. It struck me that…

When someone in my life was feeling sad or disappointed, in the past I would feel it was my responsibility to make them feel better…

Enter pain and hurt. Can I allow this to be followed by self-compassion…

I smiled when I read this quote by Anne Lamott, how true it is. Have you ever seen anything more beautiful than a person experiencing pure joy.

I have made many mistakes in my life. I have done things I am not proud of. I have hurt and disappointed myself and others. And I have been hurt and disappointed by others. There are things I wish I had done differently.

How exactly do you become your own best friend? In the early days of forming this truly life-changing relationship with myself, I found three practices particularly helpful and powerful.

This quote is from a passage that goes on to say…

One of the biggest shifts towards building trust with myself has been becoming my own best friend. Being kind to myself has in surprising and powerful ways increased my inner self-confidence.

My first response when I read this quote was, “No way, there are a lot more terrifying things than that for me!” But the more I sat with it and reflected on it I really got how true this is. Total and complete self-acceptance is where true freedom lies.

Opening up also isn’t easy because, just like you, I’m wired for survival. Meaning my biological survival wiring is to avoid threat, avoid pain – when my survival wiring is activated vulnerability feels like weakness.

Really? How hard would it be for you to truly accept this? I am very good at being busy. Very busy. And it is fair to say I have a fair bit to be busy about… as do all of us.

The practice of being authentic and living an authentic life is an incredibly courageous one. And in my experience it is one of great vulnerability. I often feel like…

These days I’m happy hanging back a little, piecing together all that serves me from the…

Slowly, gently I have re-orientated my focus away from it being about how I look on the outside, to focus on who I am as a human being.

It’s fascinating to catch that moment of choice where I have enough self-awareness in the moment to know I can either continue this train of thought or I can shift it AND it really is my choice.

On rare occasions I’ve had a sense of this peacefulness open in me, vast and without dimension…

I choose to free myself from my self-inflicted limitations. I choose to believe in myself, in my partner, in my son and in the life we are committed to creating, no matter the obstacles.

Oh how I wish this was not the case :). I spent years numbing my emotions. Not consciously but it was often what I was doing.

And THE most important part of self-love for me has been self-compassion, which comes into play not in my triumphs but when I’ve blown it.

There are lots of things I talk about doing, think about doing and yet don’t do, sometimes for good reason and often out of fear.

Resistance shows up as blame, criticism, numbing, and denial…so many ways to choose from in order to resist feeling something I don’t want to feel.

Aaahh..and so it is. I only wish I didn’t forget this so quickly and easily! :-). I have talked before about how excited I was when I first learnt that our brains actually have a negativity bias.

I consider myself a recovering perfectionist. And over the last week I have watched myself slip back into some of these old behaviours and thought patterns.

Rupi is a 24-year old poet and artist from Canada who for me stands out as a woman speaking authentically about many tough themes – rape, violence, alcoholism, and trauma.

“As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

One of the most confronting things I have learnt about myself is, as an adult, I can sometimes still feel and act like a victim. I do everything to make it seem like I don’t, but when I am really honest with myself I know that I do.

Hustling the expert feels especially stressful when I’m asked to figure something out on the spot or support Jo figuring something out in the moment, my expert wants to…

While I was instantly drawn to this quote as someone who is hungry to be an Authentic Woman, I found myself reading it over and over, slowly uncovering what it really means for me. It points me to learning about, to becoming more compassionately aware, of who I am NOT.

Only in recent times have I learnt the power of self-compassion. Research now tells us that self-compassion is profoundly more effective than self-criticism & self-judgment.

We believe we’re not meant to do this alone and women are at their best supporting themselves and each other…

We’re changing our name from Conscious Woman to Authentic Woman. We love the change even though it came about from forces beyond our control, aka trademark issues…

I’ve come to understand that my resilience comes from a balance of a good dose of self-compassion, my ability to soothe and comfort myself in moments of pain when there simply isn’t…

But it’s not easy. I’m on holidays at the moment and one week in I notice I have only just really started to fully slow down…

But over the last few years I have really been letting go of that. In fact last summer at 46, I started wearing a bikini again as I…

The self-love comes when I allow myself to be imperfect after making a mistake…

My incessant worrying is often very subtle; I have struggled to even bring it into my conscious awareness at times. It shows up more in my behaviours, my reactions, and my choices..

If you’re anything like me, one day you can be on top of the world, loving every minute of life and completely content with who you are, and the next, you can be steeped in doubt and worry and…

When I can hold this attitude, especially towards myself, everything changes and life naturally becomes more easeful. This is where the freedom is.

I’d often wonder how things got to be like this, how I’d arrived at a place where I felt disconnected and uncomfortable in my own skin.

I felt my anxiety go up, my sense of self felt a little wobbly, I had a few tears. I noticed that my habitual worrying wanted to kick in.

So, what is the difference between perfection and excellence? It’s quite subtle I’ve found, but they feel very different…

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories. Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

My mind can be the stage for so many different characters. Take love for example. There’s the one who…

I put up with outrageously disrespectful behaviour and abandoned myself over and over again.

You see I have a little magic trick I use when I’m feeling tired or down or grumpy or my day simply feels too full to fit my morning ritual in.

I’ve often felt pressure to have a passion and always avoided answering the question ‘what’s your passion?’ as ‘I don’t have a passion’ somehow felt like failure.

Its sounds so simple doesn’t it. So obvious. So freeing. But in my experience living authentically is not easy.

I’ve always been someone who has felt pressured to be on the move. It’s hard to be still when I’m pulled by goal setting, self-development, and the pursuance of my passions.

Oh, this is SO me at the moment. I am glad I am learning to kindly laugh at myself when I do this, because it is pretty often.

I pretended to be shy. I’m a natural introvert, certainly. But at the same time, being shy was very convenient for me.

Often when I’m struggling with something in my life I can make up a story that I’m all alone in my struggles, that nobody else will understand. And yet when I find the courage to be vulnerable, to share my experience, I often get met with a ‘Oh, you too!’

It was one of the most painful experiences of my life when I could no longer deny that I needed to leave my relationship AND I was still in love with my partner.

Do you ever feel like you are going through life merely surviving rather than truly thriving? I spent years feeing like this and some days, even some weeks I can still feel like this.

My latest journaling prompt is this one: ‘I know my life is meaningful because…’ I think I could write to this prompt for the rest of my life and perhaps I will.

Do you ever look outside of yourself for your value? I sure do! Even though I have learnt that is not where I will find it, I often fall back into the trap of looking for it out there.

Being messy can actually be a short-cut through feeling pain.

What makes you feel vulnerable? Perhaps the biggest for me, is letting down my defenses and getting deeply honest, with myself and with those I love. And really letting those people see me in all my messy imperfections.

The more I talked and he listened the closer I knew I was getting to the truth and as I was getting closer I could feel my whole body tighten up and energetically pull away, the fear was building as the truth began to surface inside of me.

It’s hard to admit that I’ve used self-loathing as a way to motivate myself. I’ve literally hated and doubted myself into trying harder.

Reading this makes me take a very deep breath in and out, relax a little more, give myself a break. “oh yes, that’s right, I’m not meant to be perfect”, “I’m not meant to always get things right”, “I am not meant to be the perfect mum, friend, partner, colleague etc’, “I am a human being, I never have been perfect and I never will be”.

It’s about giving myself a break when I mess up, because everyone does. It’s about acknowledging how hard life can be sometimes when I’m having a pressure cooker of a day.

Do you ever worry about anything? :-). Feels like the story of my life sometimes! And I have really put the spotlight on my worrying recently.

That doesn’t mean that the feelings go away. I might still feel the anxiety, but it doesn’t have a death grip on me anymore and I’m far less likely to struggle to make things different.

I need to be reminded of this daily. To practice both accepting myself and accepting all that life brings. The wonderful and awe-inspiring and the challenging and deeply painful. All parts of being human.

I could feel the pressure building to get more and more done. Everything starting to speed up, the multitasking kicking in, auto-pilot switching on and by the end of the day I was exhausted.

Do you ever feel stuck? Like you are not living the life you want to be living, but you don’t know how to change that?

I’ve been putting the busyness of my life under the microscope for a few years now and made some interesting discoveries.

I have spent much of my life searching outside of myself, only to find what I wanted was already within me. When I finally stopped and looked back I was not even sure what I thought I was searching for.

For me this talks gently to the quiet unworthiness that so many of us experience within ourselves, which can chip away at my sense of self & my inner confidence.

I used to think that self-love meant self-indulgence and I believed I wouldn’t get anywhere in my life if I was self-indulgent.

I can spend a lot of time wanting to be valued and respected by others, while I am not actually valuing and respecting myself.

I used to think of myself as being a good, a nice, and a selfless person…

Self-acceptance arises when I’m kind with myself not when I’m trying to fix myself so that self-acceptance can follow.

Some days I am so eager to get lost in the wilderness, the unknown, the mystery of embracing a meaningful life, of embracing all the uncertainty that comes with it.

I love the essence of this message, which is BE YOURSELF.

Simply unplugging for a few minutes… This simple practice of just being.

One of the most important ways I stay in a positive relationship with myself is with my morning ritual.

I have been struggling with this over the last few weeks. This is the time I need to love myself even more fiercely. To put my hand gently over my heart and tell myself “It’s ok not to get it right.”

I think of how my heart is healed and how deep my release from isolation is when another person just hears me.

This quote really speaks to how life used to be for me… I was spending a lot of time and energy dealing with a life I really didn’t want.

The first step was realising the cost my lack of boundaries were having on my life.

Over Christmas Heather spent time with a lovely young girl called Ava. They went to a Gallery of Modern Art together and there was an installation where you could write a note and leave it in an envelope for anyone to read. Ava wrote this note for someone else to read “Be Bold. Be You. […]

Like most people I want to be more compassionate, thoughtful and kind to others. The hardest part for me has been being kinder to myself first.

We are all enough, in every way, just as we are.

I’ve learnt that practising self-compassion and being truthful in my relationships means saying ‘Can I get back to you?’

The simple act of pausing and taking a few long breaths deep into my stomach.

When I reflect on this question immediately the feeling of a spacious life comes up.

I’ve spent at least two decades of my life in male-dominated corporate cultures. How does a woman stop living her life based on what others think AND work in these cultures?

When I can see and be kind to my own humanness, my own fragilities, my own imperfection I can then feel compassion for others humanness, fragilities and imperfections.

I began to imitate a friend who I so admired, hoping one day to be like her.

In the past I would bend myself backwards so people would like me.

I’ve come to understand that self-care is radical when it runs counter to the messages wired in me.

It sure does. And in my experience it is a never ending journey! Heather and I often talk about the idea of both ‘waking up’ and ‘growing up’ and how both are equally important for us to create deeply authentic and meaningful lives.

I tentatively turned towards myself using the same kindness and understanding I would with a good friend who is confessing something distressing or embarrassing.

Learning to practice radical acceptance has changed my life.

Self-compassion is the most radically transformative practice I’ve used in more than 30 years of exploring and practising conscious living.

This week I became aware that I have been holding onto two things that happened a long time ago. One when I was a young girl and another 13 years ago. Both of these events were very painful for me. I felt abandoned and betrayed and very lost both times. And for many years I have completely blamed myself for both.

It’s taken me years to become my own best friend and one of the reasons was because I had to work with a brain that was strongly wired for self-criticism.

On the outside it looked like I had it all… On the inside I was quickly forgetting who I truly was and living a divided life.

Today is International Women’s Day and this year’s theme is #beboldforchange.

Over time I have learnt that envy can be a healthy feeling as it can guide me to better understand my deepest desires, my deepest longings.

I still remember the day that I started to realise that I was not living true to myself.

My simple daily meditation practice has changed my life and I truly believe it can help anyone find and stay in touch with their authentic self.

Despite these hard times, I cannot help but feel that there is a lot of greatness that is emerging from creative and inventive people.

I’ve just returned from two weeks of hiking in New Zealand (stunning). I had no idea before this trip how much I needed to reconnect with myself in the wild.

When you have a history of caring for others more than you do yourself, of self-neglect and at times self-abuse then it is a long journey home to learn deep self-care and self-love.

There was a time in my life when I really couldn’t do anything unless I knew I was going to do it not just well, but perfectly.

Instead when I have an attitude of compassion, of care, of friendliness towards the part that’s trying to change…

Slowly I have learnt that feeling satisfied is a truly delicious way to live in my life.

Of course, if I do the same things as I always do I will have the same life I have always had.

When I feel used or mistreated because I haven’t set or been clear about my boundaries then I’m often quick to set down boundaries from a place of frustration.

It is my job to love myself. To take care of myself and make my happiness a priority.

I am learning that it is my own acceptance and love that I need most.

Years and years of journal writing about exactly this, uncovering all that I had been taught about…

The year has just begun… Let’s start it with a full tank.

Life truly does rise up in the rest between two deep breaths.

Together we inspire and support each other to feel confident, calm and connected.

I know that only when I began to question what I have been told about myself and my world could I begin to weed out the other voices and find the voice that is uniquely my own.

The small daily choices to reveal myself, to trust myself, to believe in myself, to respect myself, to speak my truth.

Wishing you a season of calm, a season of confidence and a season of connection. And to top it all off the courage and compassion to lead a deeply meaningful life.

And ‘all’ we have to do is believe in ourselves.

For me it can be as simple as taking a few deep conscious breaths throughout the day.

‘Why, when I have ‘everything’, do I feel so unhappy, so dissatisfied, so stressed? Whats the point of all this?’

For me it started with having compassion for my inner critic.

I have only recently learnt the gift of really getting to know myself, accepting myself and loving myself.

Becoming aware of our beliefs and then letting go of the ones that are not ours helps reveal our true nature.

I really get this is what is needed. Everyday. No matter what.

I find this to be such a soft and gentle reminder of the loving care that’s always available for and from myself when I’m able to soften and receive it.

The more I practice self-compassion, the more I have come to value myself in a deep way.

I used to believe that ‘home’ was only a physical place.

Have you ever had someone acknowledge and reflect back to you what you’re feeling so perfectly that it made you tear up?

I’m learning to love my own soft underbelly and in that it becomes easier to show it to others.

When I do express my loving gratitude it’s always a moment that deepens the heart connection between us.

Worried I might hurt someone else’s feelings, or get left out, or that I may not get another chance. And yet I was really abandoning myself.

When I push away parts of myself with judgment, I only dig myself deeper into feeling unworthy.

I find it both difficult and hugely rewarding to be completely honest about who I am and to stretch myself to let my partner do the same.

It took me a very long time to work out that true self-esteem, the essence of self-esteem, is actually an ‘inside job’.

To start living true to myself, in all areas of my life, I first needed to truly get to know myself. My needs, wants, values, strengths and desires.

I’d been a regular meditator for decades when I first heard these words. Something deep and fundamental shifted in me, and ultimately my meditation practice, as I took them in.

I confess that when I was first asked to write a “forgiveness letter to myself” in a workshop I was a little resistant, a little uneasy. Yet after I completed the letter, I actually felt a shift in myself.

I remember once asking my therapist ‘how do I look after myself and all that is important to me and still be gentle, soft, open and vulnerable’?

I recently shared this quote with a friend. She asked: “can you give me an example of being gentle with myself?”

One of the most important things I’ve learnt about replenishing myself, about taking a rest, is that not only do I not have to wait for ‘permission’ but I also don’t have to wait for a chunk of time to open up to do it.

Join us as together we inspire and support each other to see our inner beauty. To Truly Be Ourselves. To love and accept ourselves. For me this has been and continues to be a life long journey and the greatest gift we can offer to ourselves and others.

When I have a deep emotional attachment to an event or circumstance in my life and I’m being asked to let it go, it can often feel like I’m being asked to move on and forget about the past, person, or event that I’m deeply connected to.

I believe myself to be someone who values kindness, who wants to be sincerely kind to others – I find it confronting to clearly see how this isn’t always possible unless I am being kind with myself.

There are NO external prerequisites for worthiness. We are born with it. And if we have forgotten, we need to cultivate it within ourselves.

The more I become aware of how I speak to myself and have compassion for myself within that, the more I feel I have freedom over my choices in life.

For me, my ‘tight in a bud’ can be about isolating myself, out of a need to take the pressure off, when I am feeling overwhelmed by commitments.

What would it be like to feel like you are thriving, rather than surviving?

I know for too long I really believed that my internal judge played a crucial role in keeping me in line and on track. I was confusing self-compassion with self-indulgence.

Authenticity…there really is nothing more beautiful, at work, home or play. Join us as we inspire all women to feel Confident, Calm and Connected. To Truly be Ourselves – it all begins with Compassionate Self-Awareness.

When we become more aware of our inner critic and can practice moment by moment self-compassion, our entire life can change.

I had to learn to slow down. To become more mindful. And through this I have slowly learned how to feel self-fulfilled.

I can’t be present to another, truly care for another, if my own tank is not full.

What does a deeply meaningful life mean to you?

I spent so many years trying to either act confident or look for external things or people to try to make me feel confident. And while that is very normal, in my experience, it was not self-sustaining.

To truly be ourselves, we need to truly know ourselves.

Please join us and share with your girlfriends, as together we create a community to support and inspire women to truly be ourselves – to feel confident, calm and connected.