I have spent much of my life searching outside of myself, only to find what I wanted was already within me.
When I finally stopped and looked back I was not even sure what I thought I was searching for – at different times money, control, validation, success, excitement, freedom, power, safety, family, happiness, love. But most of the time what I was really doing was running away – from myself – from my feelings, my fears, my hurts, my reality, my sense of unworthiness. And often denying my true self, including my own values, strengths, talents, dreams, purpose, femininity and self-care.
I had never taken the time to stop and get to know myself. I had been in avoidance of my history and those parts of me that I didn’t want to see. I had very little self-awareness. And absolutely no self-compassion!
I still so clearly remember when I started to realise that I was not living true to myself, that I had actually been living a life disconnected to my authentic self. I didn’t know myself. I didn’t know how to care for myself. And I didn’t know how to simply be myself.
After walking away from my corporate career and with the help of a wonderful somatic psychotherapist and a group of incredible conscious women I finally began a very deep journey of compassionate self-awareness, the journey to find myself. A transformative, albeit at times a pretty messy and painful journey! A journey that has ultimately allowed me to create a deeply authentic and meaningful life, for which I feel very grateful.
And while I can still find myself looking outside of myself, I continue to learn over and over and over again, that what I am looking for is always already inside me.
With great warmth