In the past, I’d let my boundaries slide.
I’d tolerate way too much unacceptable behaviour from others, and put up with my own needs not being respected and met.
Boundaries in relationships are basically our own rules about what’s okay and what’s not okay with regards to how people treat us and we treat them. The way I learnt to be safe in the world was by fitting in and being approved of and my boundaries were unconsciously determined by a fear of rejection.
I found it really hard to say ‘no’ to requests from family, friends and colleagues. I found it really hard to face conflict. Making my boundaries conscious ones wasn’t easy.
The first step was realising the cost my lack of boundaries were having on my life. I wasn’t living true to myself, I often felt resentful towards the ones I loved, and I blamed others because I often felt burnt out.
The good news is that like any new skill, boundaries can be learnt. It does take a lot of courage to risk disappointing others, risk being rejected and I’m still working on it.
These days I set my boundaries in tune with my personal truth rather than my fear of rejection. And I finally feel I’m living a life true to myself. I’m wondering what fear may be driving your boundaries or lack of them?
With great warmth
Heather
