Brene explains that for her this quote means: “you better be able to tell the truth about who you are and where you come from and what you’re up against, and like yourself in the process of telling that truth because our sense of worthiness lives inside that story.”
She goes on to explain that if we do not claim worthiness inside of our story, we end up hustling for worthiness on the outside of our story – who we are and what we believe becomes secondary to who do you want me to be and what do you want me to believe.
I’ve been reflecting on what my ‘hustle’ can look like, especially during times of stress or when I’m feeling particularly vulnerable. The list isn’t short: perfectionism, pretending, pleasing, always being right, staying quiet… At the moment ‘always being right’ is headlining.
You see we’re doing a lot of things for the first time building Authentic Woman, everything from figuring out how to get your beautiful blog comments into our customer service platform so we don’t miss a single one to writing launch communications that come from our heart, our truth and not our marketing mindsets.
I find myself going into ‘expert mode’ quite a bit rather than simply admitting to myself, to Jo and others supporting us that often I have no idea how to do this and getting down into the muck of uncertainty and muddling along and figuring it out as we go.
Hustling the expert feels especially stressful when I’m asked to figure something out on the spot or support Jo figuring something out in the moment, my expert wants to run away and madly research it all and come back with a ‘ta da here’s the answer’ rather than be seen to not know or not have it figured out yet.
I’ve sought refuge from feeling not valued by being the expert many times in my life, especially my work-life. When I’m the ‘expert’ on something the group values or needs then I feel valued, I feel like I have something to bring to the group, something to bring to a relationship. I’ve typically hustled being the expert because I don’t innately believe I am of value just the way I am. I don’t trust in my intrinsic worthiness, my natural creativity, resourcefulness and tenacity.
This awareness and writing about it here has me feeling lighter, has me turning to myself with kindness, with an ‘oh darlin this is challenging creating Authentic Woman and you don’t need to have it all figured out, it’s okay to not know and figure it out as you go, figure it out with Jo and Ruby and all those who support us.’
Can you relate?
With great warmth
Heather
